The List of Things You Should Know If You Are Considering A Long-term Relationship With Me

My parents have been pestering me on marriage for some time now. Their stand being you find yourself a mate, or we'll find someone for you. It has got to a point where they are threatening to take unilateral action. Viz. putting an online posting about me on a matchmaking portal. Now, this makes me wonder what would constitute fair disclosure. Since my parents are the ones who will be doing the posting, they are likely to carry some perceptions that they have of me, that I haven't got around to correcting yet. So I thought to compile The List of Things You Should Know If You Are Considering A Long-term Relationship With Me:

• I drink, I prefer Scotch.
• I don't smoke. I used to, I quit many years ago.
• I am lactose intolerant.
• I have chronic trouble with my stomach, makes me very leery about food.
• I am allergic to dust, pollen and react poorly to sudden temperature changes.
• I am prone to severe headaches.
• I have decided that if I lose a significant amount of hair, I'll shave my head.
• I want to keep a dog. A German Shepherd. And I will.
• I find it impossible to stay awake in the passenger seat of a car.
• At some point, I may quit my job and jump into something new. At this point, I really don't know what.
• I am easily distracted and easily bored. Not just with the small things.
• I really doubt it I am 'stable' or 'settled' in the conventional sense, I still crave for change. I still want to live in different parts of the world, for example.
• An unchanging status quo makes me lethargic, slows me down, puts me to sleep.
• I appear to have only two modes - hyperkinetic, or knocked out.
• I am ambivalent about having children. I am doubtful if I have the knowledge, patience, inclination or skill to take on such a responsibility.
• I think I have poor memory.
• I can not stand cricket. It is advertizing masquerading for sport. If you like cricket, well, you're wrong.
• I idolize Lance Armstrong.
• I can not stand mainstream Hindi cinema.
• I can not stand mainstream Hindi fim music.
• I have little or no appreciation of the 'oldies' in Hindi film music, to me they just sound like poor production values and screechy voices.
• I am agnostic. I do not believe in organized religion. I do not believe in the caste sytem. I do not believe in horoscopes and the rest of it. I'd rather believe in Harry Potter.
• I can wax on. If you want a longer list, you know where to find me.

Sometimes, the picture *is* perfect.

Hotel rooms are advertised as blissful heaven. You can shed your worries, slip into the comfort of a luxurious bed with down pillows, climate control turning the room into your most cherished destination and drift of into pleasant dreams with nary a care.

But does it work? Does it, bollocks.

Not the advertising, that works alright. But the promise of perfect rest, that's as elusive as the quest to find the Unicorn.

But sometimes, your luck kicks in. Like mine today.

As business trips go, I prefer to travel alone and avoid gatherings of large numbers of people I know and work with. If I wanted to spend time with the lot of them, I'd rather stay in at work. But, it doesn't really matter what I want, does it. So here I am about to spend the next three days in the company of those whom I spend most workdays with anyway. And going by that I should be right hacked off. I was too, till I got here that is.

And now back to my point – hotel rooms. Sometimes, they do deliver.

It's nearly 7'o clock on a fine August evening, I am in the balcony of my room with my feet up and soaking it all in. The hills that surround the hotel, dark laden clouds touching their tops, the gentle rush of the waterfall cascading by, a gusting cool breeze, and when I close my eyes - the sheer absence of anything human.

It's not quiet, but it stills me inside – reminding me where I need look for silence in the madness around me.

It won't last but a little while, but here and now – the picture, it's perfect.